Wednesday, June 22, 2011

nonsense

It was early April or even before that when I was praying for sweet release. From what? Uncertainty of not seeing where my life was going, after losing a job again. But then later on it was the uncertainty at the new job where nobody wanted or as I see it now, simply couldn't explain to me what to do and how. Well, I've been unemployed for two months now once again, and feeling rather desperate in lack of answers for my applications.

But back then a few months ago, I remember I was thinking about the trees while looking at them on my way home, as they started to revive themselves by the road side after their long winter sleep. And that made me wonder why we humans have to rush through our lives like day flies. Why not give it a break now and then and start again when feeling ready for it. So often even those few hours spent with sleeping cannot give the gracious comfort of temporary oblivion.

In the meanwhile there were also many a bad thing happening here which I've tried to balance with some better ones. Even if the fleeting moments of happiness seemed to pass just like brief lives, leaving behind but more yearning for them. One day I got an email from a good old friend of mine, explaining to me that the lyric of a Finnish song I could still recall from almost thirty years ago, were just made up words. So they didn't have more to do with her mother tongue then my imagination that was trying to convince me when I first caught fragments of her language and believed I heard Hungarian for it sounded so similar to it.

Then a bit later I found out that one of my favorite songs, Vangelises Tales of the Future only sounded like Arabic, but it was a mere gibberish, a make-belief. Well I fell for it, and still love it. And it's much better this way around, then what I can see in the so-called real life, where we try to deceive each other when it comes to the serious issues like making a living, or living our lives and letting the others live their own. Not to mention the laws that are supposed to help in making it right if it goes wrong. Or the medical help which those working in that field swore for to save lives and give remedy to those in need. Instead it all seems like you can run around, turning to different authorities or in that case from one doctor to the other, and you get only rejected or in best case redirected. It just doesn't make sense...