air conditioning or conditioning?

No, this is not my usual dilemma whether I dare to spend a lot of money on one of these kits installed at home, or continue boiling in my skin now as the summer heatwaves are coming. It's the same old story at work where we are at least a hundred person in the same wing (not even the whole floor) sharing the same air. There, in the office we do have air-conditioners, but we don't use them...

To get to work I take a suburb train (from the fifties) with no air-conditioning, then the longest underground (also from about the fifties) with no air-conditioning. So, even though I take a shower in the morning before I leave home, I might as well take another one when I arrive at the office.

Instead, since we don't turn on the air-con there, I sweat for another hour, while trying to focus on my work, and adjust to the airless, humid heat. And why don't we use it? Simply because some sit under the airholes where the cold air blows off of the system, and they freeze or even develop a cold. 

And when you suffocate or freeze, or both only at different places on the same floor, then you start to wonder:
- are they experimenting with the system,
- are they experimenting with us,
- is it the system experimenting with us,
- who is it experimenting with our systems,
-is there a system in it, at all?

It wouldn't be that difficult to put all the thermostats on the floor on a low-level fan speed with an ideal temperature, then maybe lock them so it couldn't be changed all the time. But then I remember how it was when they did that, and also removed all the window handles at another place I worked at.  Actually it was my first multi-job, and well, to put it mildly, it wasn't quite a humane solution.

Here at least, we have a little committee that used to go around on the floor at regular intervals. They check the thermostats, sometimes set something on them. Then it usually becomes even worse, but sometimes they succeed to help for a while. Today they even asked some of us how satisfied we were with the system. I can foresee an email sent around with voting buttons...

Well, anyhow, as far as I can remember, everywhere I worked at,  this was an issue with no solution.
So, I guess I just have to dress accordingly, as they cannot expect us to boil in the office, and work like that, or can they?

sometimes, it takes a lie to kill a lie

I crossed the border, and so I could see there was none
only in my mind, and it was there that I understood it all,
Then I came back here, that we call a life and the world
and so I made a change, based on a decision in return

it shines when it shines

I should write more about dreams again. After all that's how this blog started. And sometimes (or always, I risk to say) there's so much more to it than tedious everyday life thingies. But also, like that thing I saw when I awoke from the nightmare full of witches, dreams carry on in this waking world. At least their effects...

Many many years ago - I was not yet a teenager, but entered that troubled period - I woke up once, in the middle of the night, and just knew that I would die one day, and that there was nothing I could do about it. And though I can't recall what - if - I dreamt, but I still have some vague memories about not being able to accept or reject the truth of it.  I felt so infinitely numb, as it just hurt too much to feel the pain, or because I simply couldn't comprehend what it meant to leave forever?

Then there was this daymare in the kindergarten when I suddenly saw everyone very much unlike humans. Though, since I was but a mere kid, I couldn't explain what happened to me, so I was just screaming on top of my voice 'Devils! Devils!'. And when the nanny took me up, and was trying to console me, I felt even more helpless and terrified, because she looked the same. Even after having closed and opened my eyes again and again, I saw these strange creatures instead of the people who were there only a few minutes ago.

I wonder where these sights came from? Dreams, other dimensions, or is it just a different way to see things? Some say it's a gift, but certainly scary for a child. And even for a grown-up who's unaware of what it is.

P.S. Yes, I knew this was something I'd mentioned before, and then it's a good thing I'm trying to keep track of it, as now I also might have a clue why I'm doing it: Yesterday was Monday

'that goddamn social life, it's torture dressed as fun'

It's a very strange experience when you realize what's behind all the smile you gave in to. And even though that's how you see the people you spend so much time with, as they really are, for some strange reason - I wonder if they understand why - there's no place for honest talk there.

I guess some are raised like that, they can talk about all the useless nuances, and they make a great interior designer, for instance. But in their family it was not allowed to talk about the important things that can - and should - change your life. So, they became afraid of reality, and of discussing it.

Though, as I see it in my experience, that's a veil you put up not only to protect yourself, but also to cut off all kind of communication, and any chance to understand others. Much like you just don't care; you say your part, and that's it. Then it becomes a social theater, a talk show.

I don't know, it might have been also like a painful thing for some when they tried to be straightforward, so they gave up on that habit. As for me, it always hurts, because I make myself vulnerable by doing so, but it's also important that I let others see what I have on my mind. Otherwise it's impossible to understand each other.

And if some decide to make fun of other's being true, and at the same time they just roll their eyes when you ask them why do they think that by making half-loud comments they can help anything, instead of sitting down, and listening to and talking with each other, well, no-one else can help you, if you don't let it happen. Good luck with a real life, and real friends you make this way.

on so-called social media

Believe me when I say it, it's a great feeling when you make up your mind and write to your friends, then after a while they answer to you. Unless you simply decide to talk. Technically it's possible, suppose you have the equipment.

I don't say that forums, blogs (oops!) and other kind of open virtual places are not good. Personally, I prefer one-to-one communication. Especially with people we've been knowing each other for a while. It makes it real, and well, yes, personal.

At such forums as for instance, facebook, I miss this honest and to-the-point quality. To me it's like small talk. Then I rather use my time for taking care of special connections.

I don't only mean that these days any real friendships became like something rare and precious. I think they've always been like that. That's the point. No use in pretending.

we can make it harder

No, I'm not talking sex, but daily life made more difficult by and for each other. You know, colleagues, neighbours, whoever, whenever have the chance. It's still a mistery for me after nearly fifty years, why is making drama and big theater out of nothing is easier for some then listening to what others say, and clear communication.

But the way I see it, these creatures are just keen on the game, and even if subconsciuosly - if that's possible - but are looking for an easy target to play their game out on them. Then they can lean back, smile, and pretend as if nothing happened, maybe even showing that they excuse you for them not being quite in their right mind...?

Yes, I do wonder how much such people are actually aware of the full potential of their insanity, their deranged reality and personality. Or if they really only play a game. But then again, that doesn't mean they're not affected by it, on the contrary. How can their victims be mad for them who start the whole game?

steal a kiss

Where I get off the suburb train, and try to make my way out through a rather narrow walkway, there are always at least half-a-dozen folks standing there, handing out newspapers for free, with equally valuable content. It's the same thing at the entrance to the underground train, once again.

Then this morning, as I successfully passed through the most difficult part, I caught sight of a girl, who arrived on the same train, and went up to a guy waiting there, to share a passionate kiss with him.

So I immediately got an idea that probably sounds strange, at least for the first time. What if these people who stand there, instead of trying to get rid of some useless paper, could be kissed. Suppose you found them attractive enough for some reason. Just a thought...

any day now

I remember how excited it made me feel when I read in a book about near future possible inventions, about such glasses you can surf the net with, and basically chat, talk, and do all you can now on a laptop, tab or a smart phone.

And you can imagine my surprise, when a month ago or so, I heard it on the radio that they've actually come up with contact lenses that can do this, if you have a mobile phone in close vicinity, like in your pocket. That all happened very fast, considering that the author of this book put things on a time scale spreading through a hundred years from now.

The other news I heard that day was a bit less of a discovery, but more like a 'solution' for airline companies. Namely that they want to start selling double seats for big passangers, and standing tickets to use up all the possible space on board.

Then a week ago, I heard it from a friend that cheap airlines have already started, at least announcing, to introduce such changes on their flights.
Well, I can understand their wish to sort out placing issues, but then I much prefer such sleeping capsules that they used in this movie The 5th Element. What do you know...?

dog-eat-dog world

Ha! Can you imagine a little guy wearing a litte fish eaten by big fish eaten by even bigger fish t-shirt? And it says it all. Must be a reason why that was put in front of my eyes, don't you think so?

cultural differences

It's great that you can meet people from other countries also at the many multinational companies. It's really interesting to hear their stories, why they chose to come here, where they've been, and it's good to have a chance to practice their mother tongue with them.

Though sometimes it seems the only thing these people can offer here is their language skills, which honestly is not that much, when you learn it as a child while growing up. At one of my jobs my boss who didn't speak the language we used to support our customer, and had no experience either in the job or as a boss, used to question my language skills repeatedly, without any reason he could give to do so.

After about a year of growing chaos, that was also mostly up to this bosses unreliable and irresponsible way of being a leader of our team, I decided to leave.  I could have given them the reason which was also true, namely that I left for a new life in another country. But am I really sorry for not having done so, but instead honestly telling about how the chaos and lack of support effected me in my work? Especially when this boss is still there, but my team members are all gone by now. You wonder why...

And when there was a boss who had both the language skills, and the professional experience, and also as a boss - and that meant he was really listening to us, and trying to help - he was switched to a youngster who was a native speaker, but failed some basic tests necessary for his previous job, and therefore had been fired from it.

I mentioned it, when I gave my notice, that only because that guy can speak his own language fluently,  he should not boss around, instead he should take his share of the work like everyone else was doing it.  When I asked that guy who he thought he was, when he talked in a rather unacceptable way with me, a girl who came from the same country as him, told him very fast in their own language that he should keep his superiority (sic!). But right after that she told me how sorry she was about what I experienced... After this he was given the leadership. Fortunately I'd left by then.

I can't call this an issue of cultural differences, no matter how hard many at such global firms try to convince people about it. It's simply an issue of using people, and abusing them. That's all.

Value's in dreams, boy!

One of the big advantages of being paranoid is that you see things where others don't. It can be frightening sometimes, but also wonderful when you feel there's such a synchronicity to the world. And then again what is paranoid? Who said the world isn't full of "invisible" wonders, even from a scientific point of view. And it's built on synchronicity, otherwise it couldn't exist.

I've read one of the Sandman stories again the other day, in which the protagonist recalls a dream he had as a child. He was trapped in a house full of witches, so he climbed up on the roof, but then was casted down by it. And ever since then he had a fear of heights and falling.

Oddly enough, the first dream I can remember is also about being surrounded by witches. I can still tell they were really terrible ones. I woke screaming, not so much because of the dream, but the huge, white head with empty eyes, like a Roman statue, staring at me from my bedroom door. Even after my Mom came in to comfort me, and I have shut and opened my eyes several times.

Back in that story they mention three options in case you have a dream where you fall from heights: 1) You die as you hit the ground. 2) You wake yourself. 3) You fly.
I used to fly without noticing it, just walking and suddenly finding I'm high above all. Sometimes I start to come down against my will, and folks or dogs jumping up can nearly catch me .

But I remember a dream, maybe the first one I was flying in, where I was walking home in our street. As I was getting closer to our door, I realized that I was already at the same level where we lived on the fifth floor. But doing so, I also started to fall, and before I hit the ground with my back, I woke. Not to reality though, instead to a kind of interval, and probably phased into another dream as usually. Surprisingly, the guy in this story also wakes himself to a dark, in-between place in dream, to escape from the witches.

In other dreams I often levitated to our balcony on the fifth floor, to look in through the windows, or actually get into the flat like that, even in the recent years.

Now, the next day I've read another story, and strange as it sounds, the conclusion was that things can seem very different in another dimension. As it happened, the protagonist there could catch sight of an example of this. He saw, exactly like I did as a child, when I woke up from my witch dream, a huge head watching him.

the miracle

I saw a girl from the window. She went down the little alley where they had cut off all those wonderful, huge trees. And only then planted some small ones in their places.

She stopped by one of them, and I wasn't quite sure if I saw it right, but she seemed to touch the stem of it, so suddenly and gently. Then she continued to click on her smart phone, but stayed right there by the young tree.

I got so touched and excited, nearly delirious, that I was hanging on, awaiting if she'd reach out again. For a moment I was thinking, maybe they came up with an app to send samples of things you had physical contact with. Actually, I'm almost sure they did.

After what seemed an eternity, the girl touched the tree again, and when she pulled her hand back, as if stroking the bark, I could swear she kissed her palm. This seemed even stranger, for she was still typing, and holding her eyes on the screen of her mobile as she went on.

But then this felt like the highlight of the day. Now I thought this was a message to me, because I looked out of the window exactly then. Now I imagined a world where we all smile at each other, and my heart felt young once again.

on the institution of radio

I had a shocking flashforward about the host announcing another commercial, right after the news, and then getting back to the listeners to offer more commercial followed by some other useless pile of information, and going on like that the whole day long.
Mind you the channel still might have a name that refers to music.
Except that no-one knows why any longer.
As a matter of fact, nobody wonders anymore.

Hello, and this is Write a haiku each day,
especially if you have a silent lunch break
With nobody to talk to, and nothing to say,
when you can think a bit, while eating your stake

The smell of the wooden floor, the noise of nothing,
while you're idling away in the distant humming
Seriously, let's go out, have a drink!
Instead of using up more digital ink

Breakthrough of the mind

I saw a dragonfly today,
it was trying to get free
It crashed against the windowpane,
because that it couldn't see

But the other side, the world,
it saw as clear as day 
so it tried, even if it hurt
for knowledge numbs the pain