Tuesday, July 17, 2012

the Almighty's eyes

This has long been overdue, and I've been wondering what to add to make it complete since it's impossible. So, this is just a moment of it all, and we can come back to it any time. To this moment or any other.

I saw an elderly woman with snow white hair smoking in the bus stop where we've been having 'Smoking forbidden' signs for a few years. She looked a bit like Patsy in Ab Fab, and was obviously enjoying herself, though it was not her who was smiling. I was and she dropped the unfinished fag, as I passed her, and left the bus stop in a sec. Don't know if it was me smiling like that at her 'passion crime' that made her do so, or she just felt like what she wanted to do was done. Anyway she made me smile for a long while.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

the Sandman

This I've told my best friend (a Norwegian guy), and he said he was quite sure it was so in his friendly cynical way, and that I might earn a lot with this story, suppose I'd find the right publisher. Well, this doesn't matter - apart from the fact that it means he can tolerate me this much -, but it is important to me like it's been a big help any time before whenever I was reading about the Dreamlord and his family. Now and then I thought it was easier to read these comic books than other books, and that was the reason why I read them again and again. But reconsidering it, it was easier to take life as it came, in their reflection.

So, I have just finished reading the Sandman comic series again, much of it still on my mind. And one day soon afterwards, while we were playing yatzi (a Norwegian name for dice poker game) with my Mom, I turned on the radio, and they were talking about the Sandman, and that the next folk song would be about him, played by a Norwegian band.
Then the next day when getting a bit bored by a long book, I switched back to a Norwegian short story that was left unread from a collection I'd started before. And there you go, one of the two main characters, who was going mad, mentioned the Sandman by different names (Norwegian, Danish, and German) as he couldn't fall asleep, and wished so much he finally was able to.
Then one night soon I couldn't fall asleep and when I finally was halfway toward it, it suddenly came to me that the big white face with empty eyes like an ancient Roman statue that I'd seen as a child, and which was covering the door of my bedroom, after I woke from a nightmare where evil witches were trying to destroy me, could easily be the face of Dream himself. As it was not evil in any case - I can still recall this -, but more like staring at me or more like through me or maybe into me, with his great big wondering eyes, and still standing there like a protection filling the gap of the entrance, and not going away even after I'd closed and opened my eyes several times, and my Mom was already sitting by my side trying to console me.

And so I recall all the dreams and daydreams whether about future plans or simply wondering through possibilities and wishes. I remember Death, too, calling in one night when I was still not ten or maybe just reached that age, and I couldn't handle her message, or the other way around, I knew very well the meaning of it, but simply couldn't grasp the infinity or maybe the inevitable and final, unchangeable state it was about. I got so frightened that she left the same instance. Also the many times spent with the Lady Delirium who always helps to forget about the cruelty of this world, or doesn't she? And those heart-throbbing and heart-breaking moments when sweet Desire made me wish and then wish again that I'd never done so. Just like the several visits I received from Despair; sometimes she'd stay for months or even years, it seems, and all the inexplicable things she made me do. What would I be without them, how could I survive and accept all the things in life? It's an endless story, the very same way as they are endless. So they never leave us alone just like we need them all the time.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

the end of civilization

On the train the guy sitting next to me said to his friend 'or when they were burning books...' and was thinking a few seconds while I - already feeling a bit sorry for not going on with my book that I was still reading on the underground train - felt an urge to help him out, and suggest Fahrenheit 451. However his friend said the Inquisition, and I thought, yes that was one of the many examples indeed.
Then the guy finished his sentence 'When they're burning books that's the end of civilization'. And I thought 'Look around, this is the end of it all, you can read as many books as you want, it's much closer to total control over your mind and what you're wishing for, because now they can influence you better than any time before to want what they want you to want. Instead of wishing for something you can choose free, and dream it for yourself by yourself. This is when it becomes a quasi-civilization with the fakest ever freedom you can think about.'