Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Public transportation #7 Underground #4 (sh)it happens

One day last week tried my luck to sit down on a crowded train when someone stood up. Unfortunately as I was leaning against the door (not the sliding one) I managed to get my bag strap caught by the handle. So by the time I freed myself, though it didn't take more than a few seconds, the seat was taken. Then I hurried, or rather pushed my way, over to another place that had just got empty, and took it. At the very same moment a strong, sour, unpleasant smell made me about to throw up. Next to me where someone had also just left, was an assful of puddle... something of a yellowish brown color. I was about to get up again, but someone suddenly sat there, and covered out the smell, too. Then it was too late to warn.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Public transportation #6 Bus stop musings #3 Sunshine

Saw a young guy playing heavy guitar riffs while waiting for the bus. Only he didn't have a guitar with him. I was listening to the album Afrocubism. Somehow his expressive motions fit to that music, too. Then he sat in front of me on the bus. And without hearing what he did, we all had a great time sheerly by seeing how much he enjoyed it. Even the sun came out from behind the clouds. Honest.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

In the backyard (of my mind)

Cock's crying out for hiding sun
Birds answering in all tunes and tones
Cock sounds now like a horse neighing

I felt too tired on the bus last night
As that teenage boy behind me
(As if) by chance stroked my shoulder

Too tired to turn back, just side glanced
Too weary to send him to hell
And tell the girl behind him

My opinion on her directly loud comment
If he tested me whether I was gay
Yes, little darling, I am

history's repeating...?

I remember my first boyfriend with whom we had more of a Platonic relationship, but we enjoyed each others company just the more. He told me once his parents sent him to a shrink, and also for some treatments to make him get rid of his homosexuality. This seems to be a follow-up to the story about the war and the heartless experiments done so well planned during it, and shockingly about a country that's called the land of justice and democracy where a court case can be based on a poem which is about a man being free, and where they can legally torture people only for loving people of the same sex...

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Public transportation #5 Underground #3 Stereotypes, archetypes revisited

Yesterday on the underground train saw a woman I knew seemed very familiar for some reason. Then as if to help me, she grimaced in a way that nearly made me burst out into laughter. She was almost the spitting image of Eddy in AbFab. Even the way she dressed and so many little details. Of course then it was rather difficult to take my eyes off from her, and especially when she was standing with her back to the doors that opened and so could hardly avoid falling out. I know it's not nice to laugh at that, but since my memories of someone reminding me of her so much, I couldn't help see it as a funny thing. That's how the mind works.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Public transportation #4 Underground #2 Alie-nation

Everyone seems strange to everyone else - especially for the first glance - and it's totally natural, I think. It might seem worse in a big city where you have to face a lot of people you've never met before, and also stay close to them for a while, when using public transportation, for instance.
I remember at college our psychology teacher picked us randomly, and there was a different "flash" situation he'd put us in suddenly. When he called my name, he asked me to stand up, and came up to me not too fast but with steady steps, looking right into my eyes all the time. I kept eye contact with him constantly with a little smile on my face. And even when he couldn't get closer, except by touching me, I was standing there smiling at him. I can still remember a vaguely but definitely disappointed look on his face...
Up to this very day, I feel helpless seeing people to suffer from others "invading" their private zone, which can be clearly noticed on their faces. Some even add a little extra to make sure you can see it. And sadly I remember a time from not so long ago, when even here in the capital city, people used to have a chat with "complete strangers" while queuing, or taking a bus ride and getting close to each other - not just physically. Small talk, it was only, though it did worth a lot, and made it much easier - to feel human... aren't we?

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Listening Silence

Hope you're alright when you go all silent
Just waiting for your answer with no smile and
Soothing myself telling you simply don't have a thing
To say to me right now, still you leave me thinking
If only you'd be here now, so that I could be sure
That everything was just fine, and nothing wrong occurred

Public transportation #3 Bus stop musings #2

Saturday night on my way home from the weekend shift saw an elderly lady coming up to the bus stop and it seemed, at least to me, that she was sneaking up to the other end of it. I sent a glance over there a bit later to see her draining a little bottle that definitely looked like those cheap alcoholic beverages. She was dressed like an average person, and yes it was quite cold, so a little sip would help to feel warmer. Still what I saw put a shocked or at least surprised expression on my face. And then I got quite sad, thinking of what might made her feel like curing her feelings, and the problems that caused those feelings, by drinking. Then the feeling ceased somewhat on the bus when she sat in front of me, and I could relax from the aroma that she exhaled...

Sunday, October 7, 2012

living in a monkey cage

To understand this story better you should know I live in a big block of concrete flats, two locked corridors going to the side from the elevators on each floor. Lately it's been even more entertaining than usual since they've started to "thermo-insulate" the house, so we have the workers on the scaffolding, looking right into our rooms, and can hear them cursing, and shout things like "your very gay friend" or "I'll turn your face up and fart right into your nose" and so on, and so on...
That can be solved, at least it worked for me, with the, as they call it "fight evil with evil" method. I had today off work, so stayed home in a rather rainy and cold weather, and wanted to have lunch sitting down peacefully, for a change. However they were here today, too, and went on shouting bad-mouthed, and giving me the impression, that also somewhat on the expense of the work they were to do. So once when I had enough of such comments aired wide and loud, as mentioned above, I just opened the window wide and asked loud enough to make them hear "Do you think that me saying such things like 'your cocksucking friend' would make you stop, or I have to push you off the scaffold?" Then it became silent for the rest of the day...
However one evening when I got home from work, found a note on the corridor door saying we should keep that entrance and the window at the other end closed for the duration of the works, ad today someone tried to break in to their flat during the day... Well, we tried to keep the window closed, though some people living in the same corridor used to open it anyhow. Well, the old woman living next to the entrance used to open that door and make it stay like that with the lever, as we could see her doing so now and then. And she wouldn't get it in her head somehow, whenever we asked her not to, that it just gives way to burglars. Well, the funny thing was that one day, soon after that neighbor put up the note, this old woman was sitting next to the corridor window on a chair she'd brought there, and her hubby stood next to her. For our surprised question what happened, they said she felt very bad. Now, for that we really didn't feel like commenting. Whether she felt so bad because that neighbor had put there the note, or because it made her realize something, stayed uncleared.

By The River

I was down by the river again
just sitting there, watching the gulls
listening to fragments of conversations
first thinking about this and that
then, realizing without a single word
there was nothing to think about, never
it would make no sense, on the waves
glittering with the sunshine
surfing with the birds
 

a solar cell
washed with wind
alongside the water
grown to the ground
an element
a sensor
a consciousness
existence

Public transportation #2 Underground #1 A fast date

Couldn't tell how but this morning had this flashback about a fast date that never became anything more. I was still living in the country and agreed on the phone with a guy to meet here in the capital city to see if we want to meet more, since I was to travel here for some other business anyhow.


I had a funny feeling about why we should meet in an underground station, but I was young an innocent. I was there before time, and found a seat next to the exit. Then the train arrived, everyone got off and I was left alone at the station. So I thought he'd arrive with the next one. Suddenly someone who'd just passed by, came back and told me 'come on, this is getting embarrassing'. I was completely stunned, but then realized he was my date... Even if I was young and naive, I was the same person as now, so that's why nothing came out of this date.
Back then things seemed simpler. Maybe because I didn't know much. Now life's less difficult with all the experiences, but that doesn't make things simpler...

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Public transportation #1 At the bus stop

Saw an elderly woman with snow white hair smoking in the bus stop where we've been having 'Smoking forbidden' signs for a few years. She looked a bit like Patsy in Ab Fab, and was obviously enjoying herself, though it was not her who was smiling. I was, and she dropped the unfinished fag, as I passed her, and left the bus stop in a sec. Don't know if it was me smiling like that at her 'passion crime' that made her do so, or she just felt like what she wanted to do was done. Anyway she made me smile for a long while.

The Lake

The lake spread olive in the trees,
all silent, and all alive, and all alone
A bay rather with stones at its door,
where the big river enters and leaves

Some frogs singing their tunes in threes,
while all living things turn green like melon
And as my foot goes another step forth,
a dragonfly appears from among the leaves

Sun at the waving water spreading its light,
inticing with the promise of warm fire
A moment as you turn on the pear,
as if it will have happened to appear