are you an alien?

It's very funny and frightening at the same time, to see how people seem to be shocked, for instance, at work, when they discover another face of you. As if they didn't have many things inside of them, feelings, talents, thoughts. And as if all that wouldn't come out of them just the same in due time. That is, basically, when they get a trigger to surface, or for the exact opposite reason, in lack of impulses, or in such an atmosphere where all this is getting constantly suppressed.

Well, I have experienced this maybe more often, as I am still very honest and open, even now, near fifty, so I don't think it'll change. But still, as it takes time for me, just as for everyone, in a new environment, to get used to the conditions there, so it might shock people around me how I am when I'm myself without being cautious at all. And when I am taking back, I do that because experience taught me that so many are terribly afraid of being themselves, and when they see that other are, they put up such a high wall in front of them that it becomes completely impossible to co-operate normally like that.

So, when I, so to say, come out, even if I try to do that step by step - instead of simply giving myself fully, and right because of that it takes out a lot of energy of me, pretending to be someone else - I can see that those I am working, learning, doing whatever with, they are almost like they either can't believe it's me or who knows, they might just as well think I'm on drugs.