Earth keeps on rolling

Not only dreams are like places (and especially in our minds), but also times of our lives. You arrive there and linger for a while, before you decide to move on. Of course, you might return to some of these events and occasions, for several reasons.

You might like them (or so you want to believe it), maybe you've simply got used to them, and you think they make you feel safe in your life. It could be for necessity's sake that you need to switch day by day between different times, and experience the same again and again.

However when your time's up (whether you decide so, or the circumstances) you still have a chance to haunt that particular period with your kind memories shared with the others you spent it with. The little details in color, standing out of the infinite gloom of the everyday life.

This way you can become a part of something that seems so volatile and intangible, as if it never even existed. Though when you attach yourself to the moment, in some miraculous and incomprehensible way, you also make it stand firm, unaffected by the endless ocean of time. An anchor by itself, captured by you, and you captured by it.

A Full Circle (or A Modern Folktale)

On Friday, just one week before Easter, a colleague from my last job (he who got my exit papers) called me to tell he'd got a job at a place where we used to work together about a year ago. Only he worked for another customer, where they answered questions regarding visa requests, and now he got the exact same job again. He said he'd check if they were looking for Norwegian speakers, if I was interested. I thanked him, but didn't say anything just yet, and then hit the bed with flue, and forgot about it.

But before that, on Monday morning, only a week to Easter, I was called to an interview at another company. I was told that if I'd succeed in the 1st round and the test, then I'd be called in for a 2nd round on the same afternoon. And so it happened, I received a call soon afterwards I'd left the premises, and they invited me back. At the end of this second interview I was told they'd contact me within two-three days. But I don't think my regular readers are surprised to learn that it didn't happen.

However, the next day, though somewhat struck by the flue, I took part in yet another interview at a company located but on the other side of the same block. I have to tell you that there I really felt like in a fairy tale, both because of the nice and smiling people I met there, and also because they started by showing me the job, and how to do it, and I could put questions right away. And in general, the whole atmosphere was so good, I believed I got to heaven after all my trials, and this was my reward.

Though it seemed our sympathy was mutual, as they asked me to wait for their offer, when they heard I'd been expecting feedback from two other employers, I still haven't heard from them. So yesterday, that is on the Wednesday after Easter, I called them. They ensured me that my test results, and my overall chances were so good that I was indeed their number one candidate for this position. However I should wait until the end of next week for their final answer. I think, it is definitely worth it.

Then, on the very same day, only about an hour later, a recruiter company contacted me. When they started to tell me about the company and position, I mentioned that it sounded suspiciously familiar, and we found out that this was the very job I'd been interviewed for, as described above in details. So, we agreed that unfortunately, in this case, their offer did not prove to be appropriate for me. With that we wished each other a good day and hung up.

For some reason whatsoever, they rang me from this recruiter again, and another person started to tell me about the very same position, and asked me to rate my language skills on a one-to-ten scale, just like her colleague did for a mere hour before that. Just out of curiosity, I gave her different answers this time. Nevertheless she told me I was qualified for the job. I said I was not interested in it, as it was a back-office position where I could not use my language skills orally, and I felt it was very important to me.

At this point the story took an interesting turn, as she didn't give up so easily, and mentioned that there was a front office job available at another company where I could talk directly with the customers inquiring about visa. Then, once again, I felt like I dropped into a story written by someone else, and asked whether this company was the one I mentioned at the beginning of this log. And so it was.

Though I know that applying directly for a job, and not via a recruiter, is always faster. So, I told them I worked there before, and had rather bad experiences, so I was not interested. Instead I texted my former co-worker, and told him what I'd just heard. He answered that it sounded interesting, and the next they called me and confirmed there was really such an opening available at them. He asked me to send my resume to him, so he could forward it to his boss.

Sue (or in a season of flue)

As usual, I caught it when everyone else had already forgotten about it a long time ago. Like it happens each year with the flue. Actually, it was mother who started to caugh like a machine gun. She took antibiotics for a week that she spent mostly in bed, but the caughing still wouldn't leave her.

I gave in about a week later, but went to a few job interviews yet, before it got serious. But I've still not heard anything from these employees, so Easter didn't turn out that happy this year. Though we've survived. I mean it literally.

Mom felt better today and went down for a walk. She returned somewhat different, though I couldn't tell what it was. Then she told me that a neighbour we used to chat with quite a lot, but haven't seen for a long while, had died.

She passed away in early January, just like Bowie did. She was 68, almost like him. And died of cancer, the same reason. But held out till the end very actively, exactly like him. Mom's part was about our neighbour, and in turn I replied to her, naming my big favorite. I just can't bear to see her cry, so I tried to distract her.

Sue, a colleague from my last job, told us upon her leave, that such relationships - that is the ones from work - wouldn't last too long afterwards, anyhow. And, in a way, she was right, because she's managed to disappear rather effectively and permanently from our lives.

However, some of us from there - though almost everyone I worked with, has left by now - still keep in touch. And we naughtily refer to Sue, and the things she used to say. But that's just the way we like it. Keep in touch, if not otherwise, then keeping the memory alive.

I'm just a little bit afraid of you

One morning this week I received a phone call from a recruitment company. The young man talked as if it was a question of life or death, hardly breathing at all. He told me he'd found my resume on a web site, and saw that I spoke advanced Hebrew.

I told him I spoke basic Hebrew, but he just went on. When he had to breath, I mentioned that I did speak very good Norwegian, just like my resume says. I heard him typing as fast as hell, nevertheless. Then he said he'd contact me if they had a job that suits me. And hung up.

Though I was quite sure I'd chosen basic Hebrew on that and all other job forums, I just checked it. It said basic. But I did experience this very often; recruiters (also) read without paying attentions to important details. Or maybe they just have to call as many potential candidates (customers), as possible.

A few other cases can confirm what I suspect is right. A few weeks ago I sent an application to a recruiter. In a few hours they called me, and asked if I was looking for a job. I said yes, that's why I'd applied for one on their site. She said she couldn't find my email. But she'd check it and contact me if they had anything suitable for me. She didn't.

Yesterday I received an email from another recruiting company, regarding a position. They asked me to contact them if I was interested. I thought I had already applied for this job on the company web site, and was busy with sending applications directly to other companies. So, I didn't call them.

In an hour or two the person who'd sent me the email called me. She confirmed that she'd sent me a job offer, and asked me to answer if I was interested. I asked her about the company. She said she couldn't give me their name at this stage. I said I'd check the email, and thanked her. By the description of the company I could easily find them, and realized that I'd indeed applied to them.
(I just have to add that she called me after two weeks time again, and asked me whether I was interested...)

On Wednesday I went to an interview. Actually I didn't apply for this job, but another one. However when they sent me a feedback they named this one. I found it interesting, too, but asked them about the one I'd originally applied for. They said this was the only open position available at them now.

They called me on Monday, and said it was not a hundred percent yet, that the other person who should be at the interview, is available on Wednesday. So they would either send me an email with the details, or call me again. On Tuesday late afternoon, there was neither call nor mail from them yet. So, I called.

They said they've just sent me the confirmation. I was sitting in front of my PC, so checked it. I asked them which address they'd sent the mail to. She said the one I had in my CV. I said I couldn't find it there, and asked if that was the address. Then she named another one that I hadn't used in, at least, one year.

She said she'd got it from the person I'd first contacted. I've been using one email address all the time, the same that is in my resume. And it was not the old one, of course. I didn't tell this to her, but felt a bit unsure whether I wanted to go to that interview after all.

There they only made me sure that I didn't want to work with them. The boss told me he couldn't remember leaving the office on time for a long while, as if that was something that should make me do the same. Also they would not teach me for the job, and if I had to ask a second time, then I really had to listen, because they would not repeat it again.

They didn't say what salary they could offer me, instead they listed some things they would provide in addition, like a gym ticket, or language course. All this right after I was told they were working overtime nearly all the time... So when exactly could I use those things?
Anyhow, they didn't give me any feedback in the following two-three weeks, as they promised to do it, nor later. So they made it easy for me. Thanks, indeed.

invisible

There came a strange noise from the far corner,
and I could have sworn somebody was there
Because I heard him as clear as daylight,
though when I looked, it was only in my mind

Garbage piles along the corridor

A few months ago our caretaker started to collect trash outside her flat. I only know about this because she happens to live on the same floor where I do, and on the same side to that. The idea itself, namely that she gathers paper, glass and plastic selectively, is great, and I support it whole-heartedly. The way she does it, which is building up several five foot high towers on the side of a closed corridor where two people can't go next to each other, as it is so narrow, I don't appreciate at all.

But I can understand that it was made a bit difficult to do it otherwise, unless you collect less before you take it to the selective waste bins. There were such containers placed on the first floor, in the same room where the garbage chute was once available. But later this room was locked, and after a while the same happened on each floor. So now we have to take our garbage down to the ground floor.

Why? Because these rooms were rented out for money. To whom? The same people who own the flats in this block. And who, by the way, also pay a huge sum for common expenses each month. I also find it quite surprising, that once the building was constructed with a common garbage chute that goes through all the floors, for rather understandable reasons, the committee which is supposed to represent the interests of the owners simply decides to close down the rooms where it is placed, unless you rent it for even more money.

As an added extra to the whole story, a year ago or so, the big containers for selective waste disposal were also removed from outside the building. Now you have to go further down a few blocks to find them. And if it's your lucky day, there's still place in them for your packages.  What are we actually paying for then, it's kind of hard to imagine, for me, at least. But if the caretaker solves this issue by nearly blocking the only way out from my place to the stairway, then it surely must be okay.

training

Of course, like almost everything, training can be meant in many different ways. Though when you get a job, and they say you'll be given a thorough training before you can start to work, you hope to receive precious professional information which you can then use in your day to day work, and not to be trained to get used to the complete chaos that rules the whole place, from the very beginning. Now, you don't want to give this latter to your new employee, do you?

Why is it important not only to say that you are provided all the details you need to fulfill your daily tasks, but really give it all to the one who arrives as a freshman to the company. I know, it might seem strange why I feel like explaining it at all, but from experience I can tell that most companies I had the unluck to work for recently, are obviously not aware of the most basic things that applies to professional trainings.

At most places they tell you about the company itself, but you can actually read about them on their own web sites, which you most likely do before you apply for a job at them, and go to the interview. Then they might give you a basic course in the professional area you'll be working in, like IT, financials etc.

However when it comes to the customer whom you will work with all the time, you very rarely even hear about them before you start. It's shocking how little they let you know, and the reasoning is that you can only learn about it in practice. Well, I can tell you that your colleagues who already work there, have very rarely any time, if at all, to explain things to you.

If you're lucky, you get some descriptions to read through. But you definitely won't be able to search through them when you get a call, and have measured time to answer. Or if not so, then simply an impatient customer, since they only contact you when they have a problem, and need immediate or ASAP help.

Whenever I had the chance to write training materials or teach newbies, I've always done it as thoroughly as I could, because I thought, this way I made it easier also for myself. You have to think about it as a unique chance, as later on neither you or your new colleague won't have as much time as then, to go through the necessary things you need to know to do your job.

So it happened, that once they sent me abroad to teach the new team without very detailed information, as we'd never been given them by the 2nd level team. Anyhow, to make the best out of it, I talked about the daily tasks, and how we are able to perform them. Gave them all the little tricks and nuances which you can only learn from practice. And, what I had to go through myself a few times, I didn't make it difficult for them, just because I lost my job. I knew it was not their decision.

I also use such opportunities to brush up my own knowledge. You simply don't have a better way to go through all the things, as in your day to day work you don't face all of the issues every single day. And one more thing which is crucial - I've always asked if it was understandable, and used practical examples to make it easier to see how it works, and why it is important in the big picture.

In my last job I worked on both 1st and 2nd level, though when I started there, I only received a crash course about the first one. And I was told I was lucky to get that. Well, since I pretty soon had to go over to 2nd level, I didn't feel like that. Also because then I had to learn everything by myself, from the customers (a very bad thing), or maybe if I got really lucky, little snippets from my colleagues. I don't think I have to explain why I felt this was pretty frustrating. Not only for me, but also for the customers, and for my colleagues.

Once, I was the only Norwegian speaker in a Nordic support team I started to work in. The others, who all spoke Swedish, were so enthusiastic that they used it all the time to communicate even with each other. I agreed, after all Swedish is very similar to Norwegian, though it's still not the same language, and when you are to learn new things, it might be rather important to understand everything clearly. So, I still don't understand why I had to ask them to tell me things in English instead, and why I even caused troubled faces, and some rather hostile behavior by having done so.

And finally, maybe the most fantastic excuse I've ever heard for not teaching newcomers for what they actually should be doing at work, coming right from my equally fantastic boss "What's wrong with asking the customers to hold the line, or telling them you call them back?" Well, when the phone is ringing all day long, and also emails are pouring in into your mailbox without a pause, then there's simply no time to call them back. So, either you give all the info that someone needs to do the job, before they start, or you're fucked up! Simple as that.

Advanced physics

What do you think, how far does sound spread? For instance, if we live on the ninth floor, and according to the paper at the entrance, they're renovating on the second floor, could we hear it? At least this is what we were told, when we asked the caretaker to find out who's been drilling all week long. We told her that we could hear it so loud, as if it was coming from right above us, and definitely not below.

But the man who lives there said it was not him, so surely it could not be so. Eventhough later we regularly heard hammering, too, which couldn't be led by the concrete walls through seven floors, for sure. Also, when we had the window open, we could hear the drilling from the second floor, but only very distantly.

This we have experienced before a few times. Someone put up a note downstairs, saying sorry for the noise on the first, second, third floor, even in the other end of the house. Then, all of a sudden, somebody started to drill, hammer, and all that, so we could hear it as close as if it came from the other side of the wall. Surely, we were misled by our senses.

Or another example, the water. Do you think it should take three whole months for water to come down from the roof through the tenth floor to our ceiling on the ninth? I can't believe it. Even if I was told by the caretaker whom I had to ask to check it with our upstairs neighbour.

The reason for this is that in this block, for some reason, the flats are divided on locked corridors on both sides of the elevators. So, I cannot go up to their door and knock on it. The other reason I prefer to do it so, is because we've been leaked from above through a few years. But back then there was another family renting that place.

It's true though that late September 2014 these new lodgers also managed to do it, soon after they'd moved in. Then, almost as if it was an anniversary, and they felt obliged to repeat it, it happened again last autumn, around the same time.

So we asked the caretaker's help, who walked up with us to their door, and was told by them that they'd renovated the whole place, so it couldn't come from them. At this moment she suddenly remembered that the representative of the block told her they had to get the isolation on the roof fixed, because it was destroyed by the huge storm in the summer.

Now, the storm happened late June, and several people suffered damages in their flats, but not us. The storm was not only wind, but it was also accompanied by heavy rain fall. Also, later on, during the summer we had some enormous downpours, yet we have not been leaked. Only then, three months later, the water reached us, through some cracks in the wall, according to the caretaker's theory.

Somewhat later we heard that they were finally able to fix the roof. I hope it also means that we can have the ceiling painted without having new spots appearing on it again, before it gets dry. This has happened repeatedly throughout some years. The renovations however are audibly ongoing all the time. For what reason, who knows?

Death to the trees

A few days ago I noticed a piece of paper on a tree in the neighboring small street. I didn't read it, but I saw there was a date on it. Then yesterday on our way back from a long stroll we saw that the whole street was full of these notes. Basically each and every tree was decorated with them. Of course, this has raised our curiosity enough to check out what was it all about. 

It was meant for the car owners, asking them not to park their vehicles there, under the trees. The reason was some maintenance works to be carried out in the alley the next day. Or was it specifically alley maintenance? It was a bit difficult to get it right because of the way they had put it. But it definitely sounded like they wanted to get the trees trimmed. Though that should be done by the end of the autumn, and not of the winter - as these are not fruit trees -, or so I heard.

We could find out about it all this morning. They started to work early in the morning with the big electric jigsaws that echoed all around in the vicinity. They stood on top of the mobile cranes to reach up all the way to the highest branches. I'm talking about roughly fifteen trees, all of them taller than the five-story buildings on the other side of the little street.

These trees have stood there for many generations of the people who enjoyed their shades during the summer heat, and lived in all those appartments protected from the strong wind by them. They made the air breathable by refreshing it, and gave nest to so many birds. We could go on with the list about why trees are useful - basically, necessary for us -, but it's too late now, anyhow. 

These giants were not simply trimmed. They were completely removed, down to their trunks, leveled with the very earth they once grew out from. Though they were still alive, growing full canopy, and plenty of new sprouts, twigs and sprigs each year. They could not even be torn down by the huge storm last summer, that took off the roof of the post office nearby.

Did those who have ordered to have them cut down, think it was an activity to mark the leap day this year? A strange interval of time that is there one year, then it's gone for a few others. So these trees were still there in the morning, and gone without a sign by midday.
Maybe that was the idea. I'm not sure. Though it's hard to believe it. Any of it.

It wasn't me

When I left my last job and received all the documents related to tax, and health insurance, they couldn't find the papers from my previous work place, which I'd submitted to them when I started there. There followed a lengthy correspondence about where these official forms could have gone.
Then one day I received a phone call from my colleague who left on the same day as I did. For some reason he was given my paperwork. My boss stated several times, it was not her who gave it to my colleage. She had also questioned it, before this call, if I turned in these papers to them at all. Finally she said that the one who was responsible for this, didn't work there anymore.

At my next work place they didn't want to train me, though the person I should have stepped in for, was about to leave in a few days. I've experienced such situations before, and since I didn't want to go through it again, I left. On my last day my boss wanted me to say goodbye to all, and tell everyone the reason for me leaving so soon was not because it was so difficult to learn the job.

During my search for a new job I have just completed an online language test as requested by an employer. Then, while I was doing the next one, a logical this time, my mobile started to ring. Since I had to finish within a certain time limit, I didn't take it.
When I was ready, and called the number several times, they wouldn't pick it up. Then I called it from my landline, and a man answered, saying he didn't call me. When I read the number to him, he said it was not his, and he didn't understand why my call was re-directed to him. Shortly afterwards they called me from the company who had me do the tests.

Actually, the only thing that made me think about all these cases, was that I've always assumed it was more trendy and also more possible to get away with lying, cheating and the like of it on a grand scale. Now it seems that it has become a part of our everyday "professional" life, almost a necessity to do our job. But then again, where could we learn that from, if not from where it all started; at the very top.
So, the moral of the story is: If you read this - No, it wasn't me.

We live in a stressful world

So, I've applied to a position at a well-renowned global company, in which they said it was preferred to have Norwegian language skills. I was very happy to receive a confirmation from them within a few days time. So we've agreed on having a short call just to learn a bit more about each other. They've even sent me a description about the job, saying thanks for my being interested in this particular one.

What I was somewhat surprised to see that the job description they sent, and the one of that I've applied for were actually different. Not very much, but basically not about the same job. For instance, Norwegian skills were not mentioned, not even as preferable. This was the main reason I'd sent my application in, as a matter of fact. Anyhow, I thought I should certainly receive answers to all my questions when we talk.

Well, it did not happen exactly so. Otherwise it was a very nice and happy conversation. But I would lie if I said it was anything close to show an informative nature. It is one thing that this was a screening call, so they could not tell me about the abbreviations used in the announcement, or about the working hours. But the fact that I've applied to a different position didn't seem to effect them either. Though I've explained why I was interested in the job I've actually seeked.

However, I could be completely sure about one thing during this short chat. They highlighted this several times, so I could become fully aware of it - this was a stressful job. To do so, I was presented a question whether I have worked in a stressful position before. I said, yes, ever since I've started to work in customer services, it has been rather stressful, so I know all about it.

But my interviewer was obviously a tiny bit stressed out, sighing quite deeply, and asking me yes, but do I see this is an administrative position, that's why it is so stressful. I confirmed that I understood what she meant, as in IT support - where I have worked, that is - it is rather important to document every piece of information. I have also added that I'd worked in administrative jobs before. That's when I started to wonder if they'd looked at my resume at all.

At the end of our conversation the most relevant points were summarized by way of repeating them, and me confirming them as correct. Should I say that my lovely screener did not miss the chance to emphasise that I have worked in stressful jobs, and I understand that this is a stressful one,d as well. Then we ended the call by agreeing on that they would contact me latest within a week from now.

Quite honestly I still have my doubts about why I was offered another job than the one I've applied for,  without anyone telling me the reason for this. Also, when I did tell them quite clearly that one of the reasons I've chosen the job I did seek, was the skills I had, which on the contrary they did not need in this other position. But then again, it was certainly not the choice of their colleague who contacted me, as I couldn't get any answers from her on some very basic questions, either. That's it. We live in such a stressful world.

reflections on time

So I've checked my calendar again
and found out that I am still alive,
All this time with the clouds and the rain

it seemed like doomday has arrived

 

But now I don't feel so out of place
like a cow on the balcony,
And deep inside my inner space
I live in peace and harmony

BLINDFOLD (DAY TWO)

some people caughed as they passed by
one even stopped when i looked up
others laughed and they turned behind
someone nearly into me bumped

against my feet something rolled
an old nanny said sorry
because it was her dog's ball
so i just said don't worry

the rasta man moved up a bit
close to the concrete skeleton
of the long empty ghost building
on the sky were no clouds at all

UNEASE (DAY ONE)

i'm sitting by the river again
with the wind whirling dead leaves
and it makes them rattle against
the ground like horses at unease

the sun is so strong on my skin
though it is still only winter
and the dog at my feet's growling
as if it was an old computer

then the train takes off behind me
it's taking the first swing aloud
like hammers that make my ear ring
and i'm looking up at the clouds

The Jewish Doctor

In a movie I recently saw the son starts to see a shrink, hoping to get help from him that he doesn't seem to get from his family. This effects his reactions at home, too, and one night the worried grannie asks the mom "A Jewish doctor?" for which the mom answers "I don't know. I suppose he's Jewish, or maybe just German."

But it seems like that older generation might still recall something that happened back in the 1930's and 40's. I'm not quite sure though whether this grandmother was worried about the doctor having too many bad memories from the life of his family of obvious holocaust survivors, which could influence him doing a good job as a therapist, or she just chooses not to remember why these people with German names migrated to the States.

They had lived in Germany, or in different parts of Europe for hundreds of centuries. And yes, it happened before many times that some folks, feeling that them practicing another religion, that is not Jewish - or Islamic, for that matter -, would be best shown if they simply exterminate those who do. Maybe they tried to convert them first, or drove them out from the country empty handed. Well, how much can you carry with you? Probably not your house, your garden, or your shop. Not your life.

But in the second world war, or rather before it started, the Jews - at least some of them - had a choice to flee to another continent. And they had to go that far, because the whole of Europe was busy with collecting, humiliating, torturing, and eventually killing them all, not only Germany.
So, it was not so much of a choice, but the only way to survive, as by then the Islamic world wouldn't welcome them as much as some centuries ago, when they were able to live next to each other, and exchange so many things both in Europe and the in Middle-East. And it's true that the Soviet Union was also a huge country, or even only Russia, but there also many Jews had been killed for a while in well-organized pogroms.

So, yes, these people with German names arrived to a faraway land, but were still easy targets, maybe right because they were still an ethnic minority. And it's always easier to blame the smaller one who can't fight back so easily. Or it could be some other groups like gay people, who were also gathered by the Nazis and their collaborators, and utterly tortured, humiliated and killed in their death camps.

Because it just seems like people always need a scapegoat, someone to blame for something that actually was/not done by themselves, and not by those whom they are blaming for it.

Why am I writing this exactly now? Maybe because it's been a year ago that a Jewish man was killed outside a synagogue in Copenhagen. Maybe beacuse I am partly Jewish, and I am also gay. Though I didn't choose to be either of them. I was simply born in a family where one of the parents were of this origin. And I remember ever since my first childhood memories to have been attracted to other men. Also I was not raised as a Jew, not even ever told about it. I started to find out about it later, and also learned Hebrew. However, though I was interested the traditions and the culture, I have not started to practice the religion. Then I chose to get baptized as a Christian, but I am not a member of the church anymore. It doesn't mean I don't believe.

That Jewish man in Copenhagen was killed by a Muslim man of Palestinian origin, who was released from prison about two weeks before he did it. He was sentenced to one year prison for an unmotivated knife stabbing, where he later has reportedly become "extremely religious". Just before he killed this man and some others, and was trying to kill even more, he had sworn fidelity to the ISIS leader.

You could say we live in different times now, but the killer was not a new immigrant who arrived only recently along with the many many people who fled from the massacre. Both the victim, and the murderer have lived their whole life in Copenhagen.
There is a huge Muslim community in the Nordic countries. When I lived in Norway in 2014, at the time of the Gaza offensive, I remember the comments on Facebook from the Muslim people living there, and also from Norwegians. Nobody talked about what the people living in the Gaza stripe were doing to the Israelis. Only about Israelis murdering innocent people on the other side. And the reactions, pointing back to the holocaust.

So, actually we don't seem to forget some things, but we do choose to ignore others. That is exactly what I don't like in religious people or in general anyone who puts anything in front of other things or other people. I personally don't consider myself a Jew or a Christian, not even gay. I live with these things as part of my life and my personality, but I'd never choose to be only one of them.
Why? Because it's leading to a loss of identity, and then anyone becomes highly vulnerable and easy to control. I don't say that me being somewhat Jew or gay, or even a bit Serbian does not influence my life, and my decisions now and then. But I prefer not to let anything take over. I need balance to stay sane. I believe we all do.

In many countries in Europe there are extreme right wing movements, and their representatives have gained their way even into the European Parliament. They often refer to religion, too, just like the inquisition did. Therefore I'm not so sure if we really live in other - particularly not in modern - times.
What did these people learn from history then? That they can threaten and frighten, and even kill others for made up reasons without any consequences, what's more, even get help to do it. Because it has happened many times before, and we don't seem to remember, or pretend that it never did.

I remember that not so long ago, I told the others in the Hebrew course that I'm attending to brush up my language skills, how much I loved a tv series with Jewish actors. An elderly man asked how can you decide if someone is Jewish. I hope he didn't feel offended. Anyhow, my answer was exactly what that grandmother had said in that other movie upon hearing the shrink's name - that they have a name that refers to their origin. Actually the whole series is about a Jewish family, so it's easy to find out. But I'd even say that their - our - features tell something about where we're coming from. It's only that these things have so long been misused, that instead of naturally identifying ourselves by origin, name, nationality, features, traditions, we now feel, if we hear someone to refer to them, almost abused. Whereas all this is part of all people, something most of us are born into, so it's a natural part of us.

If we could all live our lives, and be ourselves, and share the good things with the others. But then of course, you say I'm an idealist. Then tell me why someone in their right mind would wage wars, and destroy people, cultures, lands and agriculture? Because they believe in a different way? Or for they speak another language? Maybe because they love in a different way? If we wouldn't force our own personality, our traditions, customs, and habits, and ways of life on others, but instead we would feel free and not be afraid of being who we are, and talking about it when asked, without expecting others to follow us, just because we think we're better, then we could see and accept the values in others.

Without feeling any need to believe in conspiracy theories, I guess it's clear for everyone that there is a powerful driving force in the background that makes it possible that wars are started over and over again, and that hatred against each other can be kept alive in this modern age, too. It's money, it's lust for power and the like of it. Even in the most democratic countries weapons are manifactured, also for export. Why would you do that if you really believe in democracy? Whose side are you on then, or are you selling those weapons to the people on both sides of the border?

Anyhow, I don't believe what some - actually many - people state, that the world is ruled by only a few families, amongst others the Rockefellers and the Rothschilds. I am so very happy that as a child I was not forced to choose any religion, or told how to feel about being myself, and that as a result I could so long keep my sanity, and see clearly in a world where it is very likely needed more than ever before. And I can only wish that everyone could do so, and not let themselves be influenced by propaganda, prejudice and gossips.