'that goddamn social life, it's torture dressed as fun'

It's a very strange experience when you realize what's behind all the smile you gave in to. And even though that's how you see the people you spend so much time with, as they really are, for some strange reason - I wonder if they understand why - there's no place for honest talk there.

I guess some are raised like that, they can talk about all the useless nuances, and they make a great interior designer, for instance. But in their family it was not allowed to talk about the important things that can - and should - change your life. So, they became afraid of reality, and of discussing it.

Though, as I see it in my experience, that's a veil you put up not only to protect yourself, but also to cut off all kind of communication, and any chance to understand others. Much like you just don't care; you say your part, and that's it. Then it becomes a social theater, a talk show.

I don't know, it might have been also like a painful thing for some when they tried to be straightforward, so they gave up on that habit. As for me, it always hurts, because I make myself vulnerable by doing so, but it's also important that I let others see what I have on my mind. Otherwise it's impossible to understand each other.

And if some decide to make fun of other's being true, and at the same time they just roll their eyes when you ask them why do they think that by making half-loud comments they can help anything, instead of sitting down, and listening to and talking with each other, well, no-one else can help you, if you don't let it happen. Good luck with a real life, and real friends you make this way.